How does anybody actually do this regularly??  My body is aching, all the time.  Everything between bellybutton and knees, Hurts!  Yes with a capital H.  And I am doing this voluntarily?  I must be stark raving mad.

Marathon training is socially crippling and lonely.  My social life consists of running events, work and a quiz night once a week.  Oh, and rubbish telly programs.  My recorded shows are starting to build up as bed time is earlier these days – not that it was ever that late.  Now though I don’t even have time to watch them on the weekend because I’m either running or recovering from running (i.e.  sleeping).  Yep, nothing like a three hour long nanna nap.  The body does most of its recovering during sleep, I for one, am not going to risk injury due to lack of sleep.  Well, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Meals are easy or pre-planned with loads of protein, veg and carbs.  Oh how I love thee carbs!  I can’t get enough of peanut butter and jam on toast at the moment.  And potatoes, be they masquerading as chips (hot or the packet variety – crisps, if I must), gnocchi, croquettes or just the humble spud, mashed or baked.  YUM.

The scales are showing a small increase but nothing to worry about since I lost so much at the start of my emotional roller-coaster.  That, and I need something to fuel my marathon.  And it never hurts to have something to hang your pants on either.

My physiotherapists clinic feels like home away from home.  I not only see my physio there, but also my chiropractor and I attend Pilates classes also.  My remedial massage therapist is like family but my gym must certainly feel like I’m deserting it of late.  Or at least taking the piss a bit.  I only go there to stretch and roll out my kinks or use the treadmill.  Crossfit has fallen by the wayside.  Yoga is my current favourite.  It hurts but it’s so, so worth it.  I have also discovered something called Speedfit which is amazing.  20 minutes of Speedfit is like spending hours in the gym weight lifting – and feels like it too!  I couldn’t sit down for three days after my first session my glutes hurt so much.  Squats anyone?!

So I’m getting there.  Currently I am in week 15 of a 20 week training schedule.  Not bad for a novice.  I’ve not sustained any injuries that have kept me from running, yet.  I am avoiding anyone who coughs or sneezes within a 50 metre radius (yes I’ve had my flu vaccination).  I am determined to get to the start line uninjured and healthy.  Ready and raring to go.

My long runs are now no shorter than 20km.  This is mind-boggling to say the least.  When did I become the girl who formed and spoke sentences like:

“I only have to run 15/18/20km today.”

That’s insane.  I used to think 5km was an amazing effort.

The coming weekend my training schedule calls for a 29km run (that’s about 18 miles for anyone using the old system).  I am scared to say the least.  It will take me about three and a half hours, likely more, to complete this.  My legs hurt just thinking about it.

Last weekend though I found a way to keep myself going when I hit that mental wall of wanting to quit.  I bargained with myself, just down this hill, to the next street light, finish this kilometer………and then I discovered the REAL, I don’t know, distraction?  Joy?  Passion?  Motivation? in mentally writing my blog/post when I finished the actual marathon.  When I crossed that line, how would I feel?  What would I say to family or friends if they were there?

Here’s how I reckon it will go down.  Firstly I have a sneaking suspicion I will burst into tears.  Tears of overwhelming relief of having finished.  Tears of joy from having accomplished something so incredible I never imagined I could have done it.  Tears of pain (imagining blisters, cramps, headaches and just generally feeling like I’ve been run over by a three car road-train).  And tears of anger, grief and emotional hurt of what drove me to do this in the first place.

Fuck you!  That’s what I’ll say.  Fuck you for breaking my heart and for taking a piece of it you do not deserve to have.  Fuck you for breaking my spirit and self-belief. FUCK YOU I DID IT WITHOUT YOU!  Not that I thought I couldn’t, but that I didn’t want to.

I guess there’s still a bit of anger left in me………!  But if that’s what will get me through, then that’s what I’ll use.  I will NOT be beaten by a marathon.  I just won’t.

It will be hard, but hard is not impossible.