Or is it?  Your body is dead, yes, but your existence until now and the memories held by those you came in contact with keep you alive – of sorts.  You will always live on in the hearts and minds of your family and friends, associates and enemies (we all have them so let’s be honest about it).

Recently a close high school friend passed away unexpectedly.  He was 43 years old.  As far as I am aware, he was reasonably healthy, fairly fit and in no way expected to die any time soon.  Sure, he was no uber athlete.  He drank, could probably have stood to lose a couple of kilos, likely ate Maccas and Hungry Jacks more often than he should have but don’t we all?  Guilty on all of those counts?  I know I am.  Most people I know would be too.

So how do we deal with the sudden departure of a loved one from our lives?  One day at a time is how.  I’ve had a week to process his passing now and have had a thousand memories and thoughts flooding my mind and subconscious during that time.  How?  Why?  How will his children cope?  What about his parents?  His partner?!  How would I feel if it were me who lost my partner like that?!  Shelter, food, money, normal life, a will, organising a funeral, going back to work, re-entering everyday life…………….???!!!!  And none of this involves me or is any of my business.  Or is it?

What if I did find myself in the same position?  Do I have a will?  Are my finances and debts organised so as not to impact someone else in a negative way?  Nor benefit the banks or government!  How would my parents feel?  Friends?  Do I speak to them often enough, do I see them as much as I could?  Do I tell them I love them each time I say goodbye?  Food for thought.

I set out to write this blog as a way of getting out of my head all the things I remember about my friend, Adam.  That was your given name but at school we called you Snoopy.  To this day I have no idea why or how you got that nickname.  Perhaps a mutual friend will enlighten me upon reading this.  The name stuck so well that most, if not all, of the teachers called you Snoopy too.  Adam just sounds weird.  Even nearly 30 years later when we’re all grown up!

Snoopy was a fellow boarder at a school in Townsville, Queensland, Australia.  There were approximately 200 boarders at the time and initially I think only three of them were boys.  By the time I graduated five years later there were somewhere between 10 and 20.  Snoopy arrived a couple of years after me so was really one of the founding few boys to board.  He helped set the scene so to speak.  Right now I am laughing because those poor boarding masters had NO idea what they were in for!

Snoopy was a larger than life character (and physically very tall – six foot plus!  I am five foot nothing.  He was loud, cheeky, naughty and a lot of fun.  He was never mean or nasty.  A gentleman with the ladies.  Smooth, confident and mature beyond his years.

My high school memories feature Snoopy for the most part.  He was just always there.  We, or I at least, took it for granted that he always would be.  Just one sarcastic comment away on Facebook, even though we live on opposite sides of the country.  He was just always present in the periphery of my life.

Even though Snoopy was not physically interacting with me from day to day or week to week, I feel his absence like a flatness.  My daily activities don’t feel so enjoyable right now.  Over time this will pass but for now I miss the little jibes and comments from afar.  I know there is someone missing.

I last saw Snoopy at the school centenary celebrations about 18 months ago.  And before that maybe seven years prior.  But each time it was like only a few weeks had passed.  Boarding schools will do this to you.  You make friends for life.  Even the people you didn’t know very well back then, you still have a connection with them.  You had a similar experience, it was you against those in authority and the system.  What could you achieve together as a bonded group?  Which boundaries could you push and perhaps even change?  Yeah, we had each others backs, still do.

You could always rely on Snoopy as a friend.  He accompanied me to the senior formal and another girl to her debutante ball.  As requested, he dressed the part (matching blue bow-tie and cummerbund with tails for my formal (yes you may laugh, it was 1990 – practically still the 80’s), suit and white gloves for the debutante ball) , conducted himself as a gentleman, learnt to dance and how to present a lady to society.

Don’t get me wrong, the man was no saint.  He did all the things young men do in their youth.  Fortunately without sustaining any major injuries or lasting consequences.  Speedboat racing if anything, was the one activity I felt might see him depart this world too soon.  But no, he got away with it.  Likely enjoyed getting away with it too.  I can see the smirk on his face now.  That cheeky twinkle in his eye knowing he out smarted the fates of daredevils.

My favourite memory of his naughty nature is from the formal.  As the waiters circled the tables offering alcoholic beverages to the parents, one such server asked Snoopy if he would like a drink………we looked at each other (both of us knowing full well he was a few years under age), smiled, his eyes twinkled, he smirked then turned back to the waiter and said “no thank you” with a little giggle.  Later in the evening I found him at the bar outside the ballroom having a drink and a smoke.  High school boys!  Snoopy!  *sigh*  I was not surprised and would have expected nothing less of the boy.

I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend his funeral tomorrow but I am glad that my final memories of Snoopy are happy ones and by that I mean he was so very happy.  Happy in love and life.  A few years ago we shared dating escapades and laughed at our misfortunes on that front.  It’s a whole different ball game in your 40’s let me tell you!  Just a couple of months before I met my current partner, Snoopy met his.  We asked each other if we were in the friend zone, were we fence sitting, was this the one?!

Rochelle, rest assured, you were definitely his ‘one’.  He was so chuffed that you put up with his (and I quote) ‘not conforming’.   I think this means he was indecisive and messy…..impulsive?  No inkling of how some of us like a neat and ordered world (call it OCD if you must).  If that was the case then Rochelle you are one good woman!  I know he loved you (and you him).  It was so, so nice to see you together at the school centenary. You obviously made each other very happy.  I know you will cherish your memories of your time together.  You are so fortunate to have met such a lovely person.

So if you’re still with me here, make the most of every moment with your loved ones.  Appreciate the little moments in life.  Enjoy the company of good people.  Do not waste your time in a job you hate, there are always other options.  Make the most of your opportunities.  Do the things that scare you.  Talk to people – and I don’t mean the creepy, stranger on the train giving you the stalker stare!  The people serving you in shops or restaurants.  The people in your office.  Other dog walkers.  Compliment a random stranger on their shoes/hat/dress/colour of shirt.  Be nice.  You never know when it will suddenly be over.

Goodbye my friend.  You will be greatly missed by many people.  You will always be in my memories and high school would never have been the same without you.  Try not to get up to too much mischief with Clancy B. and I will volunteer Hayley to accompany me to a marathon one day soon in your honour – we will just have to imagine you holding the water bottles……….arhem! Cocktails, I mean cocktails!  This world is already lesser for your passing.

With love xx